


Crush

by Thesmallone23



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: A TON OF ANGST, A lot of Holtzbert fluff, F/F, Femslash, Lesbian, Love, Romance, Smut, and a lot of jealousy, maybe too much of it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-03
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2018-09-06 06:25:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8738269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thesmallone23/pseuds/Thesmallone23
Summary: A seemingly innocent crush turns into so much more when your crush flirts with someone else.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dreamshaper](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamshaper/gifts).



> For Dreamshaper, whose stories led me to sign up in the first place <3

Erin scribbled furiously at her whiteboard, trying to solve her latest equation before lunch. Her eyes wandered up and down at her numbers, trying to make sense of it all.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, making her jump. She had been extremely jumpy lately, and she wasn't entirely sure it was from her new found love for coffee. With a shaking hand, she tapped it awake, and saw a message which made her body turn far too warm.

**Yo, Gilb. Ab's back w/ food. U coming down or do i have 2 make u?**

"Holtzmann," Erin muttered to herself. It wasn't totally out of annoyance, but rather just to push the name through her lips. She loved the way it sounded. Her heart fluttered even more when she reread the text. Holtzmann asked if she needed to make her come down. Even though Erin was sure her friend only meant it in good humor, she lingered on a fantasy of Holtzmann coming up the stairs, clad in overalls, and lifting her around her shoulders.

Giving herself a little shake, Erin snapped out of it. Even though her crush on her colleague had lasted for eight months, she had to maintain sanity and think of it realistically. Holtzmann's ever present winks and smirks and pick up lines were normal. She never gave any other hint or gesture to convince Erin she was going beyond what she had done for any other woman.

Erin's gut clenched. Holtzmann had broken up with her girlfriend Hanna three weeks ago. Erin was relived, because during that time it had been torture for her, and it pained her to think of the memory. She had to watch Holtzmann kiss Hanna passionately, flirt with her more openly, and giggle as she led her into her room at night. Erin cried herself to sleep as she heard Hanna's moans through her wall. Even though she was gone now, and the breakup was horrible, Erin couldn't stand to look at anyone who even remotely looked like Holtzmann's ex, from the brown curly hair to the hazel eyes. 

With her out of the picture now, Erin had fallen into a more peaceful routine, yet still felt as if she was waiting for something that would never happen. With a heavy sigh, she looked down at her text, knowing these would probably be the only kind of texts she'd ever get from Holtzmann.

The said engineer jogged up the stairs, leaning against the door frame and crossing her arms. With a smirk, she whistled at Erin, who jumped again and fussed with her hair upon seeing her.

"Whatcha doing?" Holtzmann asked, picking up a nearby screwdriver and twirling it between her fingers.

Erin's heart raced a million times an hour.  A heat spread in her core and her legs turned into floppy noodles.

"Um...I was..." Erin stammered. her coworker lifted an eyebrow and came over. She stood directly in front of her and squeezed her shoulders. The touch alone made Erin want to close her eyes and sigh, but she knew she couldn't. 

"Come on down. Eat a sandwich. Forget this work stuff," Holtzmann added, giving her a wink, "and after lunch, you can see what I've been working on. It's a special invention, just for you."

Erin eyes windened. "For me?" She said quietly.

"Yeah. It's a new proton pack. You have the longest arms so I had to make it bigger. Also it has three new features that give you more control about how much energy you shoot at our little ghostly friends." Holtzmann gave her another wink, and scooted a chair over, sitting and propping her legs up on the table.

"Oh. Thanks." Erin said, still perplexed from when Holtzmann said it was just for her.

"Sure thing, babe." 

Erin bit her lip as Holtzmann gave her a very slow once-over. 

After a few moments of silence, the engineer finally spoke.

"So, are you coming down? Or do I have to make you?" She pointed at the phone in Erin's hand, making the former professor blush magenta. Holtzmann, however, didn't wait for a reply, but took her feet off the table and started for the stairs, leaving Erin frozen in place for a few moments before she turned around.

"Gilbert, let's go!" Holtzmann called out. Her tone of voice was one that called to her often, in a flirty, charming way. Erin held her breath and waited for the pick up line.

"You have a cute butt and I want to see it walking in front of me! Let's go!"

Erin smiled to herself and put her phone among her markers, following her longest standing crush downstairs.

 


	2. Chapter 2

"You okay, Holtzy?" Patty asked the engineer as the four ghostbusters sat around the table. The blond had her boots up on the table and she squinted her eyes at the notepad she was holding.

"I can't figure this out!" Holtzmann said, a little too loudly, and the other three women stared at her. "It's too confusing! If I add the projection chamber to the turbulent offence, will the protons in the default chamber loose grip of the light fixation? Or the other way around?"

"What...the fuck?" Patty tilted her head. "You know, I'm glad I stuck to subways for as long as I did. You genuinely scare me, Holtzy."

"Erin, come here," Holtzmann said to the redhead across from her. Her icy blue eyes met Erin's warm brown ones, and the particle physicist felt her whole body go warm.

She went around the table to Holtzmann as Patty and Abby lost interest in the scientist's dilemma, discussing the ghost they busted the other day.

"I need your help, I don't know anything about this right here," Holtzmann began to say. Erin bent over her, studying Holtzmann's sloppy sketches, and froze when there was a knock at the door. Abby got up to answer it, frowning at the look on Erin's face.

Erin always had a hunch for when something was wrong, as if her body had forewarning for anything that may frighten Erin or break her heart. In this situation, it proved to be the later:

Abby came in with a tense expression, clearing her throat so that the other ghostbusters looked at her. Erin's heart sped far too quickly when she saw her walking behind Abby.

Hanna stood there, her curls pulled back in a bun, a form fitting red dress hugging her hips, red lipstick on her puckered mouth, and a bottle of wine in her hand.

She seemed to look right past Erin, and into Holtzmann's wonderfully blue eyes as Erin felt her throat clench.

"Jillian," Hanna said quietly, and Holtzmann stared at her for a long moment before getting up and following her out of the firehouse. 

Erin gaped at the door, unable to think or speak. She couldn't be here. They broke up three weeks ago! Holtzmann couldn't still like her, could she? Erin couldn't tell by her facial expression the last time she looked at her. She raised a hand to her teeth and bit her nails. 

Patty shook her head. "Something about her makes me not happy, man," she said to Abby, who was still fixated on her longest friend.

"Erin, are you okay?"

The particle physicist looked at her lifelong friend, knowing she could talk to her about anything, knowing she'd be there, and knowing she had all the time in the world to talk to her about it. But she didn't know where Holtzmann had gone, or what she and Hanna were doing, or what they were discussing. 

She was more fearful of what she couldn't see, couldn't imagine, so she quickly nodded and cleared her place before running back upstairs and letting herself cry for five minutes. What if Holtzmann took her back? 

Erin grabbed her phone and started to type in Holtzmann's number, but froze before she could press call. Why would Holtzmann care about her, when she had Hanna to care for? She closed her phone and sat at her table, letting herself fall into her thoughts. 

Hanna Oclear was a beautiful woman, with hair like tiny springs and lovely hazel eyes. She had met Holtzmann on one of their busts. Her grandfather had died and he had always been an evil man. After his passing he came back to haunt Hanna because she didn't give him more money for his medicine, even though she had had more than enough to spend. Holtzmann had found her crying in the corner after they busted him. Patty and Abby hauled the container downstairs while Erin wrote a report and Holtzmann comforted the scared woman in the corner.

"It's gonna be okay," Holtzmann had said, in a voice so kind and gentle and so genuinely concerned that Erin almost wanted to scream. She herself had cried so many times during busts and Holtzmann had never comforted her that way. She had usually asked what was wrong when they got back to HQ, by never held her hand or scratched her back, the way Holtzmann did for the woman in the corner.

"Let me take you back to our firehouse," Holtzmann had said, and Erin's heart contracted at the memory, her hand fisting around her dry erase marker the way her hand had fisted around the pencil all those months ago. 

Taking anyone who was not a ghostbuster back to the firehouse was strictly forbidden past the main room, and Erin had a feeling that Holtzmann intended to give her special treatment, even treating her to cocoa.

"You aren't authorized to do that, Holtzmann." Erin had said, a bit too rudely as Hanna leaned into the scientist.

"You aren't authorized to stop me," Holtzmann said, her eyes flashing at her coworker. Erin was shocked. Holtzmann had never broken rules that went against their pact, and she had never had a harsh temper towards Erin before.

Hanna wiped a tear from her cheek. "I don't want to impose, but it does sound nice."

Holtzmann turned her gaze back to the lady, and helped her up. "It's okay. We'll get you back to Headquarters. Don't mind Erin. She didn't mean to be insensitive."

Holtzmann passed Erin without so much of a glance in her direction. 

Erin beat herself up all that night, lying in bed beside the phone, praying for a bust so she could pelt out of the firehouse. Maybe she had been to insensitive. After all, Hanna had looked scared. Erin listened to Hanna and Holtzmann's giggles downstairs. She listened to Rhythm of the Night playing, and dice being rolled, and numbers shouted out. Finally she heard the two women exchange numbers, making Erin want to scream. 

She curled up in a ball and took heavy breaths. 

As the months developed, so did Hanna and Holtzmann. Soon the two began to date, but something else became clear: Hanna was very manipulative.

She constantly brought Holtzmann down, making fun of her inventions and her choices for dates, then made up for it with kisses and extremely loud sex. She used her grandfather's death to get Holtzmann to do the things she wanted, even if it disgusted her. She made Holtzmann try foods that unsettled her, and then straddled her lap and made out with her in front of the other three women at dinner. And Erin couldn't believe Abby and Patty shrugged when she asked them if they had noticed Hanna's behavior.

"It's their relationship," Patty had said, "You can't really change it. If Holtzmann wanted to end it, she would have."

"But she can't change it!" Erin exclaimed. "Hanna's too clingy!"

"Erin why do you even care?" Abby asked, her eyebrows furrowing together.

"Because she's my friend! Don't you care about her happiness, too?" Erin crossed her arms.

"Of course we do," Abby said. "By she's dating Hanna for a reason. She's a strong woman. Party's right. If she wanted change, she would make it."

The weeks went by. Finally, three weeks before, Hanna yelled at Holtzmann after a bust for not calling her.

"I was busy!" Holtzmann exclaimed. "I couldn't just call you!"

"I can never count on you for anything, can I, you bitch?" She screamed at Holtzmann, throwing a wrench at her. "Screw you, and screw all your friends! To think, I got a tattoo of your name on my shoulder!"

"Make sure you remove it with acid!" Holtzmann yelled back, and Hanna closed the door with a slam.

Erin snapped out of the memory, a tear falling on the table. Hanna was back for one reason, to get whatever she wanted. She was beautiful in form but not in spirit.

Erin heard the door downstairs open and close, and took a deep breath as she heard Holtzmann coming up the stairs.


	3. Chapter 3

Erin wiped her eyes and smoothed her skirt. Holtzmann walked in without a glance in her direction. Fearing she had annoyed Holtzmann, and feeling that she looked to eager for details, Erin quickly turned and started to work on her problem again.

After a few moments, there was no sound but Hotlzmann turning pages and scribbling things down, and the faint squeaking of Erin's marker against the whiteboard. 

A quiet Holtzmann was never normal, not even during sleep. She snored like a freight train. Erin turned and saw Holtzmann deep into her reading. 

Suddenly, Holtzmann looked up at her, a blank expression on her face. Erin jumped a little, then figured it was too late to look away now.

"Hey, is everything okay?" Erin asked, capping her marker with shaking hands and setting it down. She walked over to Holtzmann, who had looked back down at her notebook. 

"Fantabulous" the scientist replied after a second. "A mixture of Fantastic and Fabulous. I'm as chipper as a beaver." Her voice was as dry as sand. She snapped her notebook closed and buried her head in her hands in the table.

Erin scooted a chair over and even though she was ways away from ever being a mother, she scratched Holtzmann's back like a mother would, gently and lovingly. 

"What happened?" Erin asked quietly.

"She said she wanted to talk," Holtzmann sighed, and to Erin's dismay she stood and walked away from her, staring out the window and putting her hands in her pockets.

"Then she told me how I'm talented, how I'm so  _smart_ ," She added, with a bitter tone.

Erin gained from the table. She had never seen Holtzmann that way, so full of confusion and anger and bitterness.

"And I gave her to her like every time, and she just...kissed me. And I kissed her back. Just...how does she do that? Why am I so..." Holtzmann took a shaky breath. "Am I a bad person, Erin?"

"I think you're amazing," Erin replied at once, but the blond didn't seem to hear or care.

"She even set up a date for us," Holtzmann said. "Lunch. Next Friday."

Erin felt like weeping. Holtzmann gave her more trouble than she could handle. She got up quietly, thinking Holtzmann didn't need her help anymore, and went towards the stairs.

"Erin, wait!" 

The former professor turned and Holtzmann jogged over to her. 

"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to burden you with my problems, I swear!"

Erin wanted to say that Holtzmann didn't burden her. She wanted to say that Holtzmann was more than welcome to vent about anything she'd like to. She wanted to say that Holtzmann was the love of her life, and she'd give anything to have dinner with her next Friday. To be the one to kiss her, love her, treasure her.

But of course, she was in no place to say that. She was sure she didn't even have the right. So she stayed rooted on the spot, looking into Holtzmann's eyes.

"Look, let me shower. All this drama has got me sweating. Then I'll take you to coffee. How does that sound?"

Erin's heart fluttered. It sounded like the most magical thing she'd ever heard. Holtzmann had asked to her to coffee. 

"It sounds great," Erin said. "What time were you thinking?"

Holtzmann pulled out her phone to check her calendar and gave a heavy sigh when it came to life.

"Hanna texted me. She wants me to go with her to buy a car," The blond said after a moment. "I'm really sorry. We can go another time. This week. I promise."

Erin suddenly felt the cold air in the room. She didn't understand how she hadn't noticed it before. She was absolutely freezing. She turned to leave, and felt a warm hand gently grip her arm.

"Hey," Holtzmann said gently. "We'll go. I promise. Without Hanzilla." She winked and smirked, seemingly returning to her old self. 

Eirn smiled back. Maybe, until the coffee, she'd be okay. 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Erin worked the rest of the day worrying about what Holtzmann was doing at the car lot. She imagined the two of them kissing and holding hands. Fighting back tears, she finished her equation and looked longingly at Holtzmann's desk across from her, wishing she could hold her again.

Erin and Holtzmann had night duty that night. She had forgotten all about it until Holtzmann came back with clothes and an extra toothbrush. They bid their goodbyes to Abby, Patty, and Kevin and changed into their pajamas, then settled in the living room Abby had put together on the top floor of the firehouse.

Erin turned on the TV and only half listened to Chef Biscotti as he prepared scallops. Holtzmann danced to the beeping microwave and took out the bag of fresh popcorn. She dumped it into a bowl and brought it to Erin, making herself comfortable on the couch.

"Popcorn?" Holtzmann asked, offering the bowl to Erin. Erin blushed as she put her hand in the bowl and their fingers brushed. 

"How did the car shopping go?" Erin asked after a moment of silence.

Holtzmann held a finger up, signaling Erin to wait. She tossed a piece of popcorn in the air and caught it in her mouth. Smiling, she looked into Erin's eyes.

"Did I impress you?" Holtzmann asked, and winked. It was moments like these that confused Erin to no end. Holtzmann flirted even when she was in a relationship. Erin wrung her hands together, like she did when she was always nervous. Before she could repeat her question, Holtzmann spoke.

"Why are you single?" She asked, and Erin stared. The scientist was so unpredictable, to the point where Erin didn't know if she could handle it. A million responses flew through her mind, from "because I'm waiting for you" to "marry me" but Erin remained silent, seeing if Holtzmann would ask more.

"I mean like you're funny, and quirky, and you have a great butt," Holtzmann smirked. "No one's hit you up recently? When was the last time you had sex?"

Erin blinked, unsure why Holtzmann was asking her this, or why she had even come up with it in the first place. And did she just comment on her butt for the second time that day?

"I mean, I..." Erin stammered. Holtzmann raised an eyebrow, and whether she was aware of the effect it would have on Erin or not, she draped her arm around the couch.

"Well...I like someone," Erin said quietly. When Holtzmann didn't say anything, she continued. "Like, I just...I don't know. I like someone, a lot, and they already have someone. But like, I can't give up because I feel like being with them would be right. Like really right. And I haven't had sex since my junior year of college. It was with this guy. He was a jerk but he played football and had these muscles so I let him have me. But it wasn't love."

Hotlzman popped another piece of popcorn in her mouth. "Who do ya like?"

Erin wanted to hibernate for the rest of her life. How had a peaceful evening of watching the firehouse turn into this? She wanted to tell Holtzmann she meant the world to her. But Hanna. There was Hanna. Hanna made Holtzmann happy, didn't she? She had to. Erin must've been nothing compared to her. Those hazel eyes, the hair, the curvy body...

"You..ah...you don't know them." Erin finally said, looking away from Holtzmann's eyes.

Holtzmann shrugged and smiled. "Well, hopefully they like particles. And all those your big ideas you have." She poked Erin in the rib, eliciting a giggle from the particle physicist. "Alright. Change the channel to 27.  _Alien from Mars_ is on tonight and I want to laugh about how cheap the effects are."

So they watched the rest of the night, laughing at the show and eating through three bags of popcorn. Erin couldn't remember a time in her life when she had been so happy. It almost shocked her to realize it. She was happy. Happy here with Holtzmann, laughing with her, sitting so damn close to her.

Soon Holtzmann fell asleep and Erin turned off the TV, looking down at the woman she loved so much. She looked so beautiful asleep, although snoring loudly. Erin gave into her weakness that was Holtzmann, and leaned over, the moonlight spilling over her shoulders, and placed a soft kiss on Holtzmann's temple. 

Immediately the blond smiled in her sleep, snuggling into her pillow and snoring a bit more softly.

Erin felt her lips pull up in a smile. "I love you," she whispered, the tiniest of sounds from her mouth, and she snuggled up too, watching Holtzmann's face until she fell into her dreams.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!! I am back!! I'm ok! Thank you for the worried and kind messages! I just took a super long hiatus. But I felt that I should finish this story. Upon looking it over, I hated the way it ended so I'm redoing the most recent chapters. They weren't my best. I'm so glad to be with you all and I love you very much <3

Erin woke the next morning, happier than she'd been in a very long time. She smiled up at the ceiling, remembering the feel of Holtzmann's hair lacing around her fingers. She felt the morning wind creep in through the window. The air beside her was enough to tell her that Holtzmann was already up and out getting ready for the day, but seeing the half-eaten bowl of popcorn and the infomercials playing on the tv channel still reminded Erin of the night before. She sat up and rubbed her eyes, allowing her mind to slip into a fantasy of Holtzmann waking her up with a kiss.

    After indulging for a while, she went to the second floor to indulge in a hot shower, changing into a MIT sweatshirt and her favorite pair of blue jeans. She smiled at herself in the mirror.  _I bet Holtzmann would say something about me showering alone_ , she thought as she scrubbed her teeth clean of popcorn and wine. Her happiness turned to confusion as she heard pots and pans clanking in the kitchen. Erin groaned inwardly.  _Please Holtz, don't be using our kitchen utensils for your latest invention..._

Erin found Holtz in the kitchen, in one of her eccentric outfits, complete with bowling shoes, flowing pants, and a vest. Her blonde hair fell just over her goggles as her favorite song played loudly. Eggs were broken all over the counters, the mixer was out, the oven was on four hundred and fifty degrees, and bread in varying degrees of sogginess was around the sparking toaster. 

    Holtz was trying to cook.

    The idea of that made Erin have to bite her lip to keep from laughing. She eventually couldn't contain it, doubling over and catching the attention of the engineer.

    "Well, good morning my dear lady!" Holtzmann proclaimed dramatically. "I have made breakfast." She extended her arms out wide, a smirk coming across her face as she watched Erin recover from her laughing fit. "What's up, Erin? Are you that excited to try Holtzmann's super fantabulous eggs and toast?" 

    "Is that what you call soggy bread and lumps of egg yolk on a paper plate?" Erin smiled. She slid into one the island chairs, hoping her adoring facial expression wasn't obvious. 

    "I have names for everything," Holtzmann said matter-of-factly as she put a plate together for her friend. "Abby's the Instigator, Patty's Yo Mama, and Kevin is The Pig."

    "You know pigs are smart though, right?" Erin said asked she shoveled the first serving of eggs into her mouth.

    "Ah, but no one knows it except for the pigs," Holtzmann grinned. "Of course, that's nothing compared to the name I have for you."

    Erin dropped her fork and laughed, pointing a finger at the engineer, who swiveled her hips and danced out of Erin's reach to turn up the music. 

    "What's my name, ya Dorko?" Erin called over Rhythm of the Night, but Holtzmann pretended she couldn't hear her, making dramatic ear cupping motions and mouthing over-exaggerated words. Erin's heart fluttered. This is what she could embrace for the rest of her life. This is what she loved more than anything else. Moments like these where she could tease the woman she so dearly loved. She could completely be herself around the silly but captivating woman who completely owned her odd dance moves. This is what she wanted. Forever.

     Patty and Abby arrived not long later, lugging in new metal for Holtzmann's inventions and new expo markers for Erin. Although the ex-professor loved her friends, she wished they wouldn't come in after such an amazing night and morning. 

    Patty explained a new ghost call they were expecting to have later that afternoon, while Abby looked around the kitchen and tried to hide her smile under an annoyed expression as Hotlzmann continued to dance like a penguin. The four women sat down to breakfast together after Holtzmann's dance party had finally come to a close, and Erin tried not to stare at her friend the whole meal. The phone rang, signaling a ghost call. Abby answered it and waved her hands to the other women to suit up.

    Erin and Holtzmann ended up next to each other in the back of the Ecto-one, Erin allowing herself a fantasy of Holtz reaching over and grabbing her hand. She turned to her crush and remembered something. "Hey, whats the name you gave me?"

   Holtzmann smirked and winked, making Erin go bright red. "I call you The Raptor, Er. You are strong, lethal, and intelligent, but you seldom give yourself credit for it. Although..." She said quite loudly when she realized Abby and Patty were listening in. "You can be easily tamed with a hot person. Maybe Brad Pitt, Maybe Kevin, or maybe me with all my deliciousness." And with that, she gave another wink, and Erin giggled, but it also made her incredibly afraid that her crush wasn't as well hidden as she thought.

 


End file.
